What Self-Confident People Know That You Don’t

Are you self-confident? Through our Facebook community, I recently discovered that self-confidence (or the lack thereof) is something that is holding a lot of you back from being who you really are, opportunities that may come your way, or growing into your potential as a human being.

So, I decided that I want to support you on this topic. I am writing this for the woman who struggles with self-confidence. I am writing this for the woman that sees others seemingly NOT struggle with self-confidence, and that makes your confidence sink even lower.

I am writing this for the woman that thinks they need to “fake it till you make it.” In fact, I have said that phrase on many occasions myself. It’s not necessarily true.

I’m putting “fake it till you make it” away, because it is exhausting to fake things. It’s exhausting to pretend, and the only time I’m going to be pretending from now on is when I’m playing house with my daughter. I hope this post will help you to do the same.

Self-confident people, it turns out, are not impervious to bad thoughts or feelings that you and I feel all the time. Let’s dive in a little deeper – I can’t wait to show you what I have learned on my journey about self-confidence, how you can find your confidence and wear it all the time!

They know that they are a work in progress. Did you think self-confident people have arrived to their final destination in their self-actualization process? It’s quite the opposite. Instead, they know and have accepted that they are on a journey. There might not even be a destination. They have a mindset about the journey that is so much more about getting there; it’s what happens along the way.

Stay present. If you really looked at when your self-confidence seems to plummet, you might find a pattern of the types of situations you’re in when it happens, or certain topics that make you feel that way. You also might notice what your physical habits are (do you check your phone? Put on chapstick? Walk away completely?) when you’re thinking those negative thoughts about yourself.  Keeping yourself in the moment and ditching those habits, will actually give you the space you need to grow your self-confidence.

Next time you’re ready to exit a conversation or those negative thoughts and feelings bubble, stay where you are. Recognize and acknowledge them and thoughts, and thoughts alone. This will take practice, but sooner or later you will not rely on those habits any longer!

They trust the process. If you have ever looked up the definition of self-confidence, you will see the word ‘trust’ right away. If you are self-confident, it means you have to have a whole lot of trust in yourself, your journey and the decisions you make. It doesn’t mean you know you’re right – it just means you’re doing it knowing you’ll be okay no matter what. If things do crash and burn, you’ll pick yourself back up and move right along to the next because that thing wasn’t meant for you, but it may have led you to the next thing.  

They take baby steps. Self-confidence is not something you gain overnight, and people aren’t born with it or just lucky. The best self-confidence comes from taking small, actionable steps and not biting off more than you can chew. So the examples above where you’re looking for a bad habit or thought that is triggered when you are not feeling self-confident: work with that tiny one first. Then, work with another one when you feel ready.  

They cope in a healthy way. Habits are really so powerful, and positive ones can become great coping mechanisms for when even the most self-confident person isn’t up to the task. Everyone is different, but there are a few different ways you can train your mind and body to be more confident: dressing to your personal best/most comfortable, getting physical at the gym, or smiling at yourself in the mirror are a few of my favorite ones!

If you’ve ever tried to build up your self-confidence simply by faking it, or purely thinking “confident thoughts,” you may not always succeed. How have you been able to build some long-lasting habits to beef up your self-confidence?


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