It’s been the longest day ever. Everything and everyone you interacted with today, took a piece of you and by the early evening, there’s not a lot left for you or your partner.
Oh wait, if you have children, you still need to feed them, bathe them and put them to bed. Don’t forget the dishes, the laundry, paying some bills, taking care of your dog and, um… there’s another adult in the house?
Okay, now it really feels like it’s been the longest day and you really don’t have much left in that tank.
If you have a husband, wife, or partner you do life with, I know it can feel exhausting to rev up some energy for even a simple “how was your day?” conversation. It’s normal to want to shut down and start to rest for the next day, but the point I missed for so long was that your partner wants to do the same thing, and in this case I’m going to argue that the more, the merrier.
The best way I know how to keep my relationship strong is to be intentional about it. Creating space for it is going to feel a little weird at first, but I can promise you that it’s going to help you come closer together and enjoy the chaos of life as best as you can.
Here are some tried and true tips from us on how we stay close and keep the world from getting between us!
Set The Stage. Personally, I used to feel silly putting “hubby time” in my calendar. It felt like I shouldn’t have to schedule time with my spouse. I have been on the other side of that though, and I’d prefer getting a little laugh out of seeing it on the calendar to watching him from afar, slipping away from me because I can’t get out of my own way.
I talk a lot about being intentional here with every aspect of life. I believe your relationship is actually one of the biggest things to be intentional about. Listen, lots of things in life don’t stay - jobs come and go, the kids will grow up and build their own life. At the end of the day, let’s hope that the person you do life with is there. I don’t want to see you reach the destination, but not know what the journey was all about.
Get Physical. So many things happen when two people touch. It used to feel completely natural to say hello to my husband with a kiss and/or a hug, before life hit us hard with long workdays and adding a small human to the mix.
Even though we have to literally sidestep a two year old and a dog, when one of us comes home to the other one, we kiss. We hug. We look at each other. Yes, my two year old wants my husband’s attention and my dog is jumping all over us. In his arms, the world stops for a minute. There is calm, there is silence, there is peace. It is an instant cup filler, at least to get you through the rest of the evening!
Bonus: if you have children watching the scene, they will grow up to believe this kind of behavior towards the person you love is normal and expected. Way to go, mama!
Make Each Other Laugh. We prided ourselves on being able to make each other laugh no matter what, but life has a funny way of making you forget the sweet stuff of the early days in your relationship. Grab hold of it, or find something new. There is a ridiculous amount of research around how one little smile can completely change your mood. Bring back an old inside joke, or a line from a funny movie or YouTube video.
Or, you know, build a company together around a phrase that got you through some rough mornings after being up all night with a cranky baby.
Go To Bed Together. Get your head out of the gutter, girlfriend. Or keep it there, because sex is great for relationships but I was hoping to keep this post PG!
Getting ready for bed together has been a great way to wind down and spend time with each other. We brush our teeth together and laugh like idiots. We keep each other accountable to our night time routines that help us take care of ourselves; while he’s shaving I’ll do a face mask or fill our diffuser with some sleepy essential oil. There’s something about putting your comfy pajamas on that loosens you up a little bit, and I have loved sharing that time with him.
Once it’s time to get in bed and do our own winding down like reading or playing a game online, then we do that without feelings of neglect from either party. We’ll even hold hands or cuddle, because we’ve already felt like we’ve gotten through another day… together.
I hope it was helpful to share some tips with you that have worked for us in the hopes that you’ll be inspired to find what works best for you. Life is not easy, but if you’re lucky, you might just have the perfect partner to enjoy it with.
How do you show up for your partner, and vice versa? Tell me in the comments!