Today on the blog, I'm sharing the letter I wrote to my daughter on the eve of her first birthday. I love to share these intimate letters with my audience and I hope that it inspires you to leave your children with some of your own thoughts about motherhood.
You are asleep, and it is the eve of your first birthday. I have thought about how I wanted to write to you as I settle in for the night. The things I've wanted to say to you for the past year. We have a fun day planned for you tomorrow, and I've been anticipating feeling so many different things when the sun comes up.
Mostly, I'm excited for another day with you.
Tonight, you walked for the first time. Oh, how Daddy and I cried from happiness that we grew this tiny person who just hit a huge milestone. Honestly, I'm a little sad too. You are my baby, and you are growing into a toddler and a kid so quickly.
I remember how it felt, a year ago, to have a baby placed on my chest for the first time. To feel your tiny little lips softly peck at my chest, looking for food.
Fast forward to this morning, I put you on my chest as I switched you from one boob to the other. You did the same soft pecking, and it brought me right back to that operating room.
Real talk: I was too scared to wish for a baby like you.
I was too scared that I've had too much good in my life, and that something would go wrong with my pregnancy and I'd be let down, hurt, ashamed for thinking it was all going to go my way. Life is funny that way, baby. You ended up being more than I would have ever thought I deserved. You are the perfect blend of the best of your father and me. I hope it always stays that way.
Over the past year, I've had the hardest job because I've had to do it from my heart. You'll understand one day what that means, I hope. You are teaching me things I never really learned before, one of those being to trust my instincts. It's hard to do with all that noise out there!
You have turned me into the most patient person that I've ever been - and I still have a long way to go! But I will meet you in the middle, I promise. Seeing the world anew from your eyes, I've been able to have a better appreciation for how to handle situations that were difficult for me before.
I have learned that being volatile is useless. I have learned that helping others who need it, but not bending over until I break, is a balancing act. I have become a better judge of character and been able to walk away from people that don't treat me or your father well. These are not people we want you around. Grace, understanding, bless & release - these are things I've learned to embrace more and more every day. You make me a better human.
I have loved watching you grow, every single day. There is not a doubt in my mind that I was meant to do this with you. Sometimes, the days are hard when I feel the pressure of a thousand different things on my shoulders. Your father makes sure to bring me back down to Earth on those days.
Even though I'm not perfect, I hope I'm good enough for you. I hope you know how much I love you. How much I would do anything for you. Even in the hardest moments, I tell myself to enjoy you anyway. You'll grow so quickly.
I love you more than anything, ever. My baby girl. Happy birthday, sweet baby of mine.