Another year is in the books, and for me, I am not sure I could have expected what the year threw at me.
I grew way more than I ever thought I would, I got hurt and fell down on my face way more than I thought I would.
In the spirit of sharing, I want to tell you six of the biggest lessons I learned and I’ll be taking with me into 2020. I’m also sharing a couple of mantras, one is silly (but effective!) and the other one, I believe with my heart and soul, is what you need to know to make 2020 your best year yet.
It’s okay to be a force when the time is right. We all want to have a foot in the professional world and not get enraged and look like a deranged person spouting nonsense. But, we can’t deny that there are some topics or issues that come up that are hard to hold down and say nothing about. I’ve been challenged this year with speaking my truth while also trying to be a person people respect. It’s been hard, but after some experiences I’ve had this year, I truly believe that it’s okay (even needed) to be super, super passionate about some issues. The challenge is how to come across clearly and respectfully as possible, and to forgive yourself when that doesn’t always happen because you stood up for something you believed in.
Have an insulated circle. Being an adult and trying to friend is weird, isn’t it? Add in the inauthenticity of some of your “business relationships” as a working mom or the social media conversations, and it gets way too confusing to know who you can trust. This year, I’ve made a real effort to focus on an insulated circle – a group of women that I can say anything to, that can say anything to me, and that helps each other through this crazy life. Building a tribe is a two way street – you need to pour into them, and you need to let them pour into you.
Dancing is life. Total game changer. I started dancing in the kitchen to distract myself from the fact that I was in the kitchen (not my favorite place) and I noticed that my daughter wanted in on the action. Now, when we need to uplift our mood, change our attitude, or power through till Daddy comes home – we dance. We dance when I have to cook dinner and my daughter wants to play with me. We dance when there’s a show on so I don’t feel like she’s staring at the screen the whole time. We dance when we are waiting for the bath to fill up and I don’t want my jewelry to become a toy for the 100th time. Sometimes it’s only a minute or two, but it totally changes my mood, my daughter’s mood, and adds some extra fun into our day. I hope she looks back on her childhood and remembers that we danced with joy.
Embrace your season. I don’t think I’ve seen a topic more touched on or written about this year than the topic of giving yourself grace. I’m happy for the conversation, but it’s a little bit abstract and none of my mom boss compatriots want to look like they are just making excuses. The point is, sometimes your work/life rhythm does affect the quality and quantity of your output. But please remember that this is a season. The times I’ve gotten upset over things I can’t control because one thing happens to matter more than another- that was wasted energy and plummeted any grace-giving or self-care opportunities I may have had. It squashed an opportunity for growth. Instead, I’ve done a lot of work around embracing the way things are right now, giving myself the grace and the understanding that it won’t always be this way.
My time, my choice. Not a new concept, but something I’ve been working on this year is protecting my time. I think the limiting belief is that you will upset people if you tell them no – and for a people pleaser like me, you might as well beat me with a red-hot poker than ask me to tell someone no to coffee or spending money I don’t have. In order to meet myself halfway (because I do thrive on people in my life), I set aside special time each week for people I might want to see and hang out with – after I’ve set aside time to work on all my goals and personal projects.
Asking for specific help. Another concept that’s not new, but something I teach my clients and therefore had to embrace myself – asking for help. I’ve always been a “figure it out” kind of girl and I’ve never wanted to be a drain on anyone else for things I thought I could do on my own. But as I get older, I realize that time is a currency I’m not willing to waste. For example, I hired my first parenting coach when things got rough with my three year old at home. I had never raised a three year old before; it’s okay that I needed help with something I’ve never done before. I asked for help when I wanted to get away with a friend for the weekend to have a mom-cation. I asked my friend to give me a blowout for a photo shoot when I just couldn’t afford to pay for one. It’s okay to ask for help, and in doing so, you people your life with so much support and love.
Along with these lessons, I’ll be bringing some mantras along with me that I wanted to share with you.
Tits up. Inspired by the Marvelous Mrs. Maisel, this phrase makes me laugh and gives me confidence all at the same time. We even designed a product in the shop for it so you can have a daily reminder, and share it with your friends who need to hear it too!
I am worthy of my dreams and goals. There is a lot of noise out there, and you may get the feeling that your dreams and goals are too lofty, or tire you out, or make you too nervous to do anything. I want you to know that if you can dream it, then it’s meant to be yours. Dreams should never change – even if goals do. Goals should be used to motivate you, not to disable you. I hope you look at this mantra and know that even the smallest step is taking action, and gets you closer to the dream you have for your life.
I’d love to hear your lessons learned in 2019 – and what you’re bringing with you in 2020! Share in the comments so we can all learn from each other! Happy New Year!